By: Starielle Hope
With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, what if you don’t have a date? Or maybe you do but your date will be in another city (like mine) or you’re just not interested in the typical expensive restaurant Valentine’s dinner thing.
When I speak with people about Valentine’s Day, I usually hear fairly polarized responses. People either love it, or hate it. I hear from men that they feel a lot of pressure to “get it right” and from women about how much pressure they feel to have a date for the evening. I hear from others lamenting the contrived nature of a holiday that forces people to buy exorbitantly priced flowers and prix fixe dinners to prove that they love their significant other.
I’m certainly not saying there is anything wrong with flowers, chocolate, and dinner, I love all of those things, any day of the year! I do feel that there are an infinite number of ways to do Valentine’s Day, all depending on what is right for you.
I personally love the idea of a day that reminds us of the romance and love we want to be showing to ourselves and others all year round. How do you want to show love to yourself and those around on Valentine’s Day and every day? Self-care is an amazing place to start!
Looking for a luxurious night or something more low-key? You have all sorts of juicy options when it comes to planning a lusciously sensual self-care date night for yourself, you and your partner, or you and a bunch of girlfriends.
Start with this: What would be the most nourishing way to spend an evening?
If you’re planning to have a delicious solo self-care night, congratulations! You get to do exactly what you want to do for as long as you want to do it! Maybe you want to order takeout and catch up on movies. Perhaps a bath with candlelight and music is more your style? Take a moment to really tune into, what would be the most nourishing activity for you? Here are a few of my favorite ideas:
- Going for a long walk or hike
- A restorative or fun workout like yin yoga or a dance class
- Getting a massage
- Going to a Korean spa or Russian bath house for a soak and/or scrub
- Cooking myself my favorite meal (and dessert!)
- Curling up with a good book
Planning to spend the night with a sexy date but looking for something outside of the typical restaurant/dinner? Try asking your date what would be the most nourishing thing they could imagine to do or experience? You may be surprised how similar - or how different - your responses are. And what you learn from this conversation can help you figure out how to nourish yourself, your partner, and your relationship way beyond Valentine’s Day itself.
Any of the ideas for a solo self-care night above can easily be adapted to include a lover or girlfriends.
If you’re looking for something a bit more interactive for your date night, I highly recommend a giving and receiving game I call: The King & Queen game, which also totally works as the King & King or Queen & Queen game, however you and your partner identify.
To play this game one partner is the King or Queen (the receiver) and the other partner is the giver for a predetermined amount of time, and then you switch. One hour each is a great start.
During the hour, the partner who is the King or Queen gets to ask for anything they want, and the giver gets to give it to them, as long as it’s within their boundaries.
This game is about doting on your partner and practicing the experience of truly allowing yourself to receive without having to give anything immediately in return. How much will you let yourself receive? How does it feel to ask for exactly what you want? Do you truly ask for what you want to only things you know your partner will want as well? This game is about tuning into your deepest desires and what it actually feels like to not only ask for what we want, but to let ourselves relax into fully receiving.
And then you get to switch partners! Notice how it feels to be the giver and the receiver. Which is easier or more comfortable for you? Honing our skills of giving and receiving are incredible for the self-care of any relationship, on Valentine’s Day and every other day of the year.
Photo by Enrique Abed