By: Morynn Read
A string of cool, smooth pearls traced lines up his body, causing ripples of goosebumps. As I leaned in to whisper, my hair and breath brushed against him. He sighed and I whispered, “You like that, don’t you?” Shivers spread across his body, and by the way his breath caught, I knew I had him.
When I first discovered Kink, I thought everything was about painful, intense experiences. I knew I was interested in experimenting with something not-so-vanilla. Pain, however, was not my cup of tea, and the harsh-seeming world of Domination and Sadomasochism didn’t resonate.
What I desired was something more sensual, artful and connected. The slow and intimate world of Tantra appealed, but I found myself craving something even more exciting and out of the box.
When we hear about kink, most people like I did, envision whips, chains, cries, and full body latex catsuits. While there is nothing wrong with any of those things when enjoyed safely and consensually (I wouldn’t mind seeing myself in a catsuit, for one) it’s not what everyone is looking for and thankfully, not the only way to get your fetish on. Inside the vast universe of kink exists a whole planet of exquisite, gentler sensual play, which I call Sensual Kink.
Sensual Kink is the artful and intentional use of different sensations to excite, stimulate and please the body and mind. These sensations can be anything from soft and silky to scratchy and pinching. They can be cold or hot, smooth or rough, tingly, suspending and seductive. If the endorphin rush of a little ‘ow’ excites you, that can certainly be a part of Sensual Kink. But ultimately the goal is to please and light up the senses, not to cause pain or push someone’s edges.
Sensual Kink is also not domineering or cruel. Instead, it is a dance with full-body, sensual seduction. Like all kink, it need not be sexual. If you’re like me and appreciate sensuality as it’s own delectable entree, you might be relieved to learn that. In fact, most of my kinky experiences, while often deliciously erotic, haven’t involved sex at all. If you do crave something overtly sexual as part of the experience, kink can prove one of most richly erotic forms of foreplay possible.
All that is needed to experiment are a few toys to create fun sensations and a thorough and honest conversation about boundaries and desires with your partner. Enthusiastic, informed consent is the most important ingredient for a healthy and successful experience. We don’t talk enough about our boundaries and desires in general, and this becomes even more vital when experimenting with kink. Both the receiver’s and giver’s consent are equally important.
While not obvious, the giver has just as much a right to say no to something uncomfortable. If either are a maybe, skip that item. Talking in detail about how and what you want to feel during your time is also vital to making the most of the experience.
Hitting up your favorite adult store can be great, but you can have just as much fun using stuff around the house. For example, were you aware that a simple fleece blanket can feel exquisite pulled slowly off the body? One of my favorite household tools is a hairbrush. The tiny, evenly spaced prongs create delicious tingles when lightly brushed across skin. To get you started, below are a few ideas of tools that can be easily found around the house.
- Hair Brushes - Both a nylon brush or a boar’s hair brush can create fun sensations.
- Paint or Thick Makeup Brushes - These should be very clean and bigger than your thumb to be useful, but who wouldn’t want their skin made into art with passion as the ink?
- Scarfs and Silks - Create a silky feeling on skin, or use them for light bondage of the hands or feet.
- Clothespins - Mini clothespins sting far less than regular ones, but both can be placed anywhere you can grab a generous pinch of skin
- Wooden or Silicone Spoons and Spatulas - Right inside your kitchen are the world’s first paddles. Both wood and silicone can really sting if swung with force, so be gentle and slow with your pats. Test this tool out with your partner before play to make certain it’s enjoyable. If the receiver likes it on their bum or inner thighs, you can work up gradually to a little more pressure. The number one rule for all spanking is to aim for the fleshy part of the glutes and never ever hit the tailbone or hip bones.
- Hands - Finger tips lightly dancing up the body create wondrous tingles. Fingernails for scratching can also be fun. And if you want to try spanking, cupping the hand before swatting changes the sensation from a sting to a stimulating thud. Of course if you enjoy the sting, more power to you, but it doesn’t have to hurt.
- Clean Nylon Grill Brushes - These are scratchier, but can be a lot of fun. I’ve embarrassed myself many a time trying these on my arm in the hardware store, searching for the perfect one. The receiver should absolutely try this tool out to make sure they like it before play.
- Rabbit Furs, Feather Dusters or Other Fuzzy Things
- Strings of Pearls, or Longer Chains
Lastly, the voice and breath can be one of the most erotic tools possible. Sometimes simply whispering the obvious or using the power of suggestion, like I did in my introduction here, can be immensely erotic. Don’t be afraid to experiment with the voice. A long, audible sigh can set the receiver instantly at ease as well as excite them. At times my most powerful tool has been to lean in and coo a simple “Why, hello there…”
When you play, give extra attention to erogenous zones like the inner thighs, bum, neck, chest and sides. Trace a brush down someone’s back and they are likely to feel a lovely tingle. Trace that same brush up the inner thigh, and you’ll inspire goosebumps and a shudder. Other places to try are the backs of knees, scalp (hair pulling, anyone?), inner arms, and spine.
Sensual Kink is all about the tease - building gradually and keeping the receiver wanting more. Slower is almost always better. But from a foundation of a sultry speed, you can build anticipation by speeding up and slowing down slightly.
If there was only one tip I could give every human to improve their sensual and sexual life, however, it would be to HAVE FUN. Nothing feels better than a touch from a person who is truly enjoying giving that sensation. When playfulness and presence combine the most exquisite of elixirs is created. Presence and playfulness alone can turn even the simplest of touches into a deeply erotic experience.
Share your favorite sensation tool below, or one you ache to try, and I wish you happy playing!