By: Mel Greenberg
Here we are, one month into the New Year. It already feels like there are massive shifts taking place!
Where do I begin? As I think about, what is in front of me. There’s my own new decade that I entered just a few short weeks ago, but also the years behind me, and I can’t help but marvel at the significance of my journey. Spiritually, physically, and sexually. I love the opportunity to connect here – to share my thoughts and observations of what these coming years may offer - the changes, the awakenings. Also, to read your inspiring stories of self-fulfillment. Every generation offers a unique perspective that contributes to our development and happiness.
Midlife is an ever-broadening spectrum of growth and expression, and with it comes the limitless possibilities as well as the challenges of who we might become. Change is good but can be frightening as well. What if everything we thought was it - isn’t it at all. What if those long held beliefs cease to make any sense. And what if acknowledging that which no longer serves us, requires us to change in ways we didn’t anticipate – we aren’t ready for?
I find our current culture of expression intriguing and promising. We women seem to be on a path of beautiful self-discovery and evolution of body and mind. I never gave much thought to the liberating changes that happened through my childhood in the 60’s and the freedoms that ensued, but damn I appreciate them now!
Maybe it’s the fact that I sit here, viewing far more of my life in the rear-view mirror than on the road ahead, or maybe it’s just a sense of melancholy for the adventures in life that are now committed to memory, but my thoughts do wander often to the consideration of myself at sixty and beyond. Am I desirable, can I be sensual, will I want sexual experiences in the coming years? Ultimately, I think the answer is a resounding yes.
And here’s why…
With age has come patience, acceptance that I don’t think I fully embraced in years past. And quite honestly, I think that can be said of every facet of my life. Though, none more profoundly than in relation to my own sexuality.
Let’s face it – aging is a beautiful deterioration of our physical state. Fact – I move slower, ache faster and yearn to feel much of the exuberance I felt in my youth more often than I do. BUT – and this is where it all gets real for me – I don’t care! The days pass, the numbers grow, yet I feel better, stronger, happier and more alive than ever. I enjoy my body and the spirit that moves me. This is key in how I see myself moving vibrantly into the coming years. Believing that my sex-appeal and desires live in my heart and soul and not just in my body.
What has changed most significantly is the physicality of sensuality. I see it all so differently, through the lens of time and experience. I find my sexual endeavors far more gratifying. I am much more present than I ever recall and likely for a myriad of reasons. I don’t seek attention or a specific outcome, but revel in the sheer joy of connecting in body and spirit. I feel more in touch with my body, therefore I’m able to express my desires more clearly. In turn, offering my partner the opportunity to express his needs more openly.
I’ve been married 27 years and our intimate interaction continues to expand. Our passions ride the often-tumultuous waves of life. Sometimes up, other times crashing down upon us, but more often than not, we exist in a place of calm serenity, and most importantly gratitude. You don’t get to this age – this stage in life, without navigating some storms along the way. Paramount to surviving and thriving, has been the commitment to keep our passion alive. And to be open to what that means. To embrace the vulnerability that must be present when you are willing to expand your ideas of what sex and intimacy really mean to the relationship – to you!
The coolest change I’ve noticed is in our communication. I’m much more movement driven, not so inclined to chat it up. But talking it out, talking through our passion has opened up fabulous new channels of intimacy. Not gonna lie – that has been my biggest challenge! But hey, that’s ultimately the purpose of the journey, right? To step outside our proverbial comfort zone, believing that in doing so we just might find a greater source of joy within us.
And now what…
What matters? What defies the odds? What moves us to become more than we’d imagined possible? I decided a couple of years ago that what mattered for me was perspective and choice. That growing older was a blessing, one that too many don’t get the chance to experience. With that blessing I had a responsibility, to move through the coming years with grace and a wide-open heart. Open to the idea that my best years as a vibrant, sexual being may very well be in front of me…