28, San Francisco
We live in a fast-paced world, one that glorifies instant gratification and quick fixes, short spurts of passion, and self-indulgence as demanded. Our world doesn’t shed light on the slower, more intentional or purposeful things anymore. Perhaps due to technology, instant information, or social media, we can forget about ourselves – what makes us tick – in the hustle and bustle of everyday life and exchange.
I know for me: I am a helper. I wake up and immediately think about how I can help other people. I constantly ask myself:
- How can I help them?
- What can I do to make their day better?
- How can I go out of my way to put a smile on their face?
Although I am proud to be a helper, I often forget to help myself. I forget about my own needs. I forget about my own sensuality and desire of touch. And I’m not just talking about sexual touch – I am talking about the feeling of touching oneself; of touching one’s soul.
Burning Man’s Metamorphosis
I attended this year’s Burning Man in Nevada, where the theme Metamorphosis encouraged everyone to have a rebirth in the name of peace, serenity, and exploration. It was a celebration of change and an expedition of uncertainty. None of us know what we will become, but we can seek to understand where we are in this present point in our transformative trajectory. Attending it completely alone, I went with the intention of learning to love myself – just me, no one else. I wanted to feel loved without any external recognition. I missed parts of my personality that have been dormant. I wanted to feel stronger and freer when I truly step into myself.
We have been wired to seek external affection and support to feel whole. In reality, we are perfectly capable of giving ourselves that wholeness with no one else involved.
For me, I can forget that.
Metamorphosis at Mardeleva
Mardeleva is a unique musical experience inspired by sounds and music from around the world. The therapeutic sounds ignited a sense of inner sensuality and rediscovery for me. While I was dancing at Mardeleva during Burning Man is when I felt all of my transformations come together. As the music was building, the things that I was holding on to so tight for security were melting away. I was front and center, eyes closed, feeling the music within my bones. I allowed my body to move in whatever direction it wanted to move in. I didn’t fight it.
I hugged, massaged, and caressed my body, feeling every inch of my being in that moment.
I thought to myself: why don’t I touch myself like this more often?
I began to get emotional, thinking about my hands on my body, feeling my natural heat. Holding myself with that intention was beyond therapeutic; it was sensational. I felt like I was reacquainting myself with someone I had forgotten. I was in touch with myself again.
Touch Your Own Soul
The next time you rub lotion on your skin, don’t just go through the motions. Close your eyes and feel your heartbeat. Don’t just fill up the bathtub and time yourself. Sit back and allow your senses to mesh into one.
Feel your natural heat; the very essence of your life.
For me, dancing really helped me find this portal. For you, it might be something entirely different.
I invite you to search for where your place might be.
At the end of the day, when I opened my eyes at Burning Man and looked around, I realized how many people were looking at me proudly… because they knew I was finally proud to be ME!