The Yin and Yang of Sensuality

The Yin and Yang of Sensuality

We asked Sensualist community member, Gil for his thoughts on sensuality. We're thrilled to share our first male perspective of sensuality, his experience with it in his relationships and how it differs between relationships with men vs. women.

By: Gil

Ever since I can remember I’ve always been expressive and sensitive. I’m an empath. I feel others' joy, excitement, pain, fear. I love connection. But I also share an intellectual, thinking, playful side. I love giving, I love loving. I love embodying strength and power. But I also love being cared for, being vulnerable, and embracing a partner's strength. I love the full expression of all of my selves, and at times, I’ll admit, I want to embrace all of them. Perhaps I’m greedy.
But to me, sensuality is that shared dance of my different personas with that of my partner's. It’s the expression of my disparate emotions, my competing masculine and feminine, passionate and intellectual, and embracing those same expressions from my partner. 
And what it boils down to is a shared trust. A vulnerability. Sensuality can be fully expressed in a kiss which tells a story. The graze of a lip, the slightest held breath, desire kept in check, yet clearly expressed, followed by a quick bite of the lower lip, sharp yet transient, a slight lick of the neck to close. It’s a tease, a test, a taste, where each partner in turn shows the breadth of our desire and passion, but also appreciation and sense of the other. 
And while it starts with a kiss, or a touch, the principle of building up with continuously deeper explorations of each other, of yielding more control of our pleasure and our pain, and then taking that same control when yielded by the other, allows us to be ourselves in every way. 
Sensuality is not putting on a show. Sensuality is not conquering another. Sensuality is not fucking. Sensuality is not an orgasm. Sensuality is knowing one another, being ourselves, and sharing ourselves.
It is only with the greatest trust that I can be vulnerable enough to allow my partner to take on a stronger masculine role and to allow me to be more receptive and feminine. And in that trust I can let go and explore my receptive and emotional self and accept and embrace my partner's strength, letting her shine in her beauty and power. And similarly to then meet that power with my own, as she submits and allows me to express my passion and strength, to feel her feminine, to flow in her groove and amplify it with my own. To take what is fully given, fought for yet yielded in passion. And then to meet in the middle feeling each other as equals.
I’ll admit I’m not always sensual. Sometimes I’m just hungry for sex. Sometimes I’m tired and want us to both come quickly so I can wake up in the morning. Sometimes my mind is obsessing over work. Sometimes I just want the high of an orgasm without having to care for or about another. And that’s fine, as long as my partner is in the same place and we communicate. Sex can be functional. A kiss can provide comfort and love without being sensual.
But none of these are full expressions of ourselves. And that beauty of two selves meeting and matching and intertwining in every way is transcendent. 
I definitely don’t have time nor desire for truly sensual sex every day, it takes a lot because sensuality requires the true YOU and THEM. It requires ALL of YOU and THEM.
Sensuality is a story. A battle. A love song. Sensuality is truth and honesty. It’s humor and playfulness. It’s respect. It's passion. It’s strength. It’s beauty. Sensuality is vulnerability.

I’m a 38 year old male and identify as pan-sexual. I grew up in a heteronormative environment in NYC, and as a teenager began exploring the multitude expressions of sexuality through pornography. After college I made a conscious decision to be more open in my own life and to follow connection wherever it led me irrelevant of gender. I mostly date strong and open-minded women, but have dated and explored beautiful connections with men and non-binary partners. I look for a partner that allows me to express and embody all of myself and with whom I connect with across the different facets of my self.